Friday, May 24, 2013

Indie Guide Jakarta Nightlife: Blowfish Blows

aka Where the Fashionless Rich Locals Blow their Money

 I’ve intentionally sacrificed title creativity in exchange for onpoint simplicity to sum up this human body factory excuse of a club. Blowfish is a staple in Jakarta nightlife though, and begs the review because inevitably you will find yourself here fist pumping to David frakking Guetta on repeat. I’m writing this for you so you can make wise choices when planning a night out with the lads. In sum it is a horrid mass of people crammed together, dressed as the biggest douchbags. You can’t enter unless you are wearing heels. Doesn’t matter how dressed up you are or how Diored or oxford cute your flats may be, they will not let you enter. For dudes, a tshirt is going to send you back home, alone with your hand and the Fashion Channel. Collared shirts only.

What NOT to wear if you're a woman going to an Electro show, but totally okay if you're a dude. Not that I'm stylish, but I guess I was expecting Social Club, Paris vibe when Tiga comes to town. Goddamn it. 

 Once you make it in, there are two giant areas. The first is primarily hip hop on the right and the second on the left is guess what? Top 40s ! Crown me the king of barf kingdom please. 

 Pissin' Me Off
1 - Too crowded. I hear friends complain about how hard it is to move in there, that you’re always being shoved in one direction or the next.

2 - I’d rather have a scrotum sit on my forehead than listen to more top 40

3 - Girls are bitchy. This point I do not agree with, but then again I’m not trying to pick up da ladiessss (creep voice). Lots of lady friends, Indonesians and internationals go to Blowfish and they are lovely. I guess because it’s so expensive to get in and the dress code is so tight there may be a higher proportion of cactusy personalities prickling about.

4 - Expensive. Entry ranges from 100-150k on a regular night. Drinks are 100k minimum.

 The Goodness
 When it comes down to it, I will avoid Blowfish but I am not completely opposed. There are redeeming qualities like..

1 - The men are goodlooking. It draws a decent proportion of decent looking people.

2 -  The crowd, despite Betty Bitch Heels walking around,  knows how to have fun. There are tables and people love jumping on it to dance. In no way are they snobby and reserved. These guys let loose!

3 - Good dancing area. Giant platform in the middle gives the Napoleon Complex afflicted such as myself a chance to jump higher and above the crowd. There’s a large dance area, unlike at Immigrant.

 4 - International DJs. They bring in some good acts and big shows. Saw Tiga here in 2010. He was cool. The bouncers were not. Didn’t let me in even though I was on guestlist to write about the show put on by Christian Rijanto himself.. all because I was not wearing feet daggers. See my outfit (photo above)? Er. I will never forgive that humiliation.

5 - 700k bottles of Champagne apparently! (Thanks Tim)

Conclusion: Put Your Pretty Clothes on and Dance!

 Come here with a big group of friends every once in a while. The place is always packed on the weekends and in the end it's lots of fun. Blowfish may be expensive and people have no sense of style (an Indonesian wide problem) but if you are running low on options, this is def not your worst! My old German Rocket colleagues loved this place, if that gives you an indicator of what you’ll find. I think they should loosen up their dress code slash read the memo: HIGH HEELS DO NOT EQUATE TO FASHION. When you have a high cover charge already, chill out on the dress code eh? Like Immigrant. So what if a girl doesn’t want to wreak havoc and torture on the toes that surround her 5 inch heeled weapon foot? Let girls wear flats to go dancing! Also, Blowfish has the influence to change the music scene in Jakarta. It would be cool to see more experimental electro, minimal, sort of nights like you see in Paris. Classy but not overdone and too popular. Ugh, sorry for the rant. It just pains me for expats to be subjected to such distasteful homogeneity birthed from a mere lack of perceived options. We go here because It is changing though. I am impressed by the upcoming Jakarta scene since the last couple years (next post!). Can't wait to share!

Tell the taxi driver Wisma Mulia Gatot Subroto Jakarta Seletan.
If you just ask for 'Blowfish' they will NEVER know and you will lose your shiz on an innocent taxi man.

Clearly I'm bitter about being rejected because of my shoes when I was invited to review the damn show. What do you think of Blowfish? Share with the readers your non-horrible experiences!

Read More Party Stuff
Indie Guide to Jakarta: Review of Immigrant

Other Guides about Indonesia

Music: French indie rock from the underground
If you totally agreed with everything I said, then you might like this.

Download: Sans Attache - Bam!mp3

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